Living with ADHD is a daily experience full of ups and downs. One thing that often makes it harder? Hearing well-meaning but unintentionally hurtful comments. If you have a friend, family member, or coworker with ADHD, knowing what not to say can make a big difference. Let us walk through common phrases to avoid and what you can say instead to offer real support.
Why Words Matter When Talking to Someone With ADHD
ADHD, short for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects focus, impulse control, and emotional regulation. When people dismiss or minimize someone’s challenges, even unintentionally, it can feel invalidating. Educating yourself on ADHD symptoms and adult ADHD experiences can help you build better connections.
1. “Everyone gets distracted sometimes”
Why It Hurts: This statement downplays the very real and chronic challenges that come with ADHD. Getting distracted occasionally is very different from the constant daily battle someone with ADHD faces.
What to Say Instead: “I imagine it must be really exhausting to manage so much all the time. How can I support you?”
2. “You just need to try harder”
Why It Hurts: Effort is not the issue. People with ADHD often try extremely hard but still struggle because their brains are wired differently. Saying this can make them feel like they are lazy or not good enough.
What to Say Instead: “I know you are putting in a lot of effort. Is there anything that makes tasks easier for you?”
3. “Have you tried just getting organized”
Why It Hurts: If it were that simple, they would have done it already. ADHD for adults involves executive dysfunction, making organization a complex challenge, not a simple fix.
What to Say Instead: “I know organization can be really tough with ADHD. Would it help if we worked together to find some systems that work for you?”
4. “You are just using ADHD as an excuse”
Why It Hurts: ADHD is a legitimate medical diagnosis, not an excuse. Comments like this dismiss the real struggles that come with managing ADHD symptoms daily.
What to Say Instead: “I appreciate you sharing what you are dealing with. It helps me understand you better.”
5. “You seem fine to me”
Why It Hurts: Many adults with ADHD mask their symptoms in public settings, only to be exhausted afterward. Just because you do not see the struggle does not mean it is not happening.
What to Say Instead: “Thank you for trusting me enough to share what you are going through. I am here for you.”
6. “Everyone has a little ADHD”
Why It Hurts: While many people experience distractions or impulsivity sometimes, ADHD symptoms are persistent, severe, and impairing. This statement minimizes a real disorder.
What to Say Instead: “I know ADHD is so much more than occasional distraction. What is one thing that you wish more people understood about it?”
7. “You do not look like you have ADHD”
Why It Hurts: There is no one way a person with ADHD “looks.” ADHD in women and ADHD in adults often presents differently than the stereotypes, especially compared to how it shows up in children.
What to Say Instead: “I am learning that ADHD can show up in so many different ways. Thanks for helping me understand.”
8. “Maybe you just need to find the right motivation”
Why It Hurts: Motivation is complicated for people with ADHD. It is not about willpower or caring enough; it is about how the ADHD brain processes rewards and tasks.
What to Say Instead: “How can I help make this task feel less overwhelming?”
9. “Are you sure it is not just anxiety or depression”
Why It Hurts: ADHD can often co-occur with anxiety and depression, but it is a separate condition. Dismissing ADHD symptoms as “just anxiety” overlooks the full picture.
What to Say Instead: “Mental health can be really complex. I am glad you are getting the support you need.”
10. “ADHD is just a trendy diagnosis now”
Why It Hurts: While more people are becoming aware of ADHD in adults and ADHD in women, that does not mean the disorder is new or made-up. It has always existed; awareness is simply growing.
What to Say Instead: “I am glad more people are learning about ADHD and getting the help they deserve.”
How to Be a True Supporter
Instead of offering judgment or advice, offer empathy. People with ADHD often already know their struggles better than anyone else. What they need most is validation, encouragement, and patience.
If you are unsure what to say, it is always safe to ask, “How can I support you right now?” Listening and learning go a long way.
Understanding ADHD symptoms, ADHD medication effects, and the meaning behind common struggles can make you a much better friend, family member, or coworker.
